Why are the personal posts always so hard for me to write? I literally start them and stop them, write them and then decide not to post them all because I’m nervous about putting myself out there. The truth is, I don’t really write them for you guys. I love you guys and love inviting you into my life, but writing these personal blogs are more for me as a way of moving on and are very therapeutic for me. After I showed an Instastory of a picture of my mom and Dave’s mom yesterday with the text, “Happy Mother’s Day in heaven!” A lot of you reached out via direct message and shared your stories. It was so sweet, and I realized that I’m not alone and a lot of you are also in the “no mother club.” So maybe some of you will be able to relate how I was feeling yesterday and the day’s leading up to Mother’s Day.
As you may or may not know yesterday was Mother’s Day. Unless you were living under a rock, you probably were inundated with Mother’s Day posts all over your social media platforms and commercials leading up to the big day showing a smiling mom getting that perfect gift from her kids. I saw them too.
But for me as well as Dave, yesterday was just another day. We both lost our mom’s to cancer. Dave lost his mom about five years ago and I lost my mom a year and a half ago. Normally the weeks leading up to Mother’s Day were all about planning and texting my sister, “What are you getting mom?” and making brunch reservations, something that was exclusive to my mom and I and my sister would celebrate with her another day. But the last two Mother’s Days have been just like any other Sunday. Yesterday I woke up, checked my social media platforms, taught spin, did laundry, took a nap and had dinner.
I guess this year I felt extra sad. Because literally there’s no more Mother’s Day for me. Because Dave and I don’t have kids and I don’t have a mother-in-law. It’s different for my sister because she has kids and can celebrate the holiday with them. But for me, literally, there’s no more Mother’s Day. Don’t get me wrong, I’m choosing not to have kids, so it’s not like I’m jealous or anything of my friend’s Mother’s Day posts, but there is a sense of sadness that such a popular holiday that is put on blast everywhere, is no more.
I know that as time passes holidays and days, in general, will get easier, but until then I’ll keep writing these personal posts because it does make me feel better. It’s almost like a virtual therapist.
If you’re in the “no mom’s club” I’d love to hear from you and how you were feeling on Mother’s Day. Feel free to comment below.
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Photography by: KSTU Photography